This blog is the best idea I've ever had

Let's start with some honesty.

Actually, scratch that. Let's play Two Truths and a Lie.

Truth(?) #1: Until about two months ago, I'd never lived without a dishwasher. That's right. Every apartment, house and tepee I've lived in to this point has basically done the dishes for me. Does this make me a fraud? Is my dedication to doing the dishes in question? Am I part of the evil 1 percent that has coasted through life, letting machines do the dishes for me? I think not.

This is actually the reason I started Living With No Dishwasher. You see, Live-In Girlfriend (LIGF) and I -- dishwasher or not -- have a tendency to let the dishes pile up to the point where we have to drink out of flower vases because the Food and Drug Administration would probably deem our cups too filthy to contain any liquid for human consumption. This is true (or is it?): the Environmental Protection Agency once fined us for the level of carbon dioxide emitting from the decomposing waste in our kitchen.

Get a brush, dude!

So I decided to start this blog in hopes that it would establish a structure in my dish-washing habits. So far, it has been a success -- impressively so. The kitchen has never been cleaner and our apartment has ceased to smell like what I imagine Rob Zombie's hair smells like. What I didn't expect is that the blog would immediately become such a hit. Just a week in and the reviews have been outstanding. One person told me he "liked" my blog. Another said it was "funny." Someone (me) even called it "the Internet's hottest dishes blog." This has led me to believe that I am doing good work and that this is quite possibly the best idea I've ever had.

I ain't particular, I bang like vehicular homicides.

Truth(?) #2: I share a birthday with GZA of the Wu-Tang Clan. We're a year or two apart, but next time August 22 rolls around, if you haven't already spent too much money on a gift for the Genius, you might consider getting me a little something-something as well. I'm quite fond of music albums made by movie stars (or am I?). He, from what I've been told, likes chess. (If you're ever wondering what to get someone for their birthday, find out what they're hobbies are and base it on that.)

Truth(?) #3: I killed a guy once. Don't worry. It wasn't anyone you knew - just some drifter who crossed the road at the wrong time. The embarrassing part is that I totally missed him the first time and had to turn my car around and chase him down again. It was messed up (or was it?).

So, have you figured out which one's a lie?
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Cleaned: 4 spoons, 3 forks, 3 butter knives, 1 edged knife, 1 cheese knife, 1 peeler, 1 ice cream scoop, 1 whisk, 1 brush, 2 spatulas, 3 mixing spoons, 2 mixing bowls, 4 measuring cups, 3 measuring spoons, 8 plates/saucers, 3 bowls, 1 sauce pan, 1 cutting board, 2 frying pans, 1 grater, 7 coffee mugs, 3 cups

Completion time: 29 minutes

Playlist: The Smile Sessions by the Beach Boys